I swear at my kids constantly. Silently, but constantly. If you had a camera trained on my face during the day (which I would not recommend…..nothing but snack making and butt wiping going on over here), you would see me say things like this to my kids.
“Boy, PLEASE get in the (pause pause) car.”
That “pause pause” was the word “mother fucking”. Mouthed silently and with my child’s back to me, but meant with every fiber of my being.
I have found my pauses to be the only way to get through certain moments of my day.
“No, I didn’t bring any (pause) snacks because we are going on a 10 minute (pause) car ride to your (pause) school.
“Boy, please stop saying ‘blanket poop’. It is irritating your (pause pause) sister which is irritating (pause pause pause) me.”
“Children, this is what is for your (pause) dinner. If you don’t eat your (pause) food then you won’t eat again tonight. And you can (pause pause pause pause pause pause) go to bed.”
The kids probably think I have a rage-induced speech impediment. AND I DO.
I just found your blog tonight, and I have been banished to the bedroom by my dear boyfriend….the reason being that I am cracking up so hard it’s distracting him from video games. To get to the point, I feel like I have found my long lost mothering twin lol. I’m glad to know I’m not the only mom that mouths curse words behind her children’s backs
Katie!! Welcome! And thank you!! You made my night after a hideous day with my horrible children who I swear I still love but really……you know.
Thanks again!!